2020 sucked.
Is anyone as sick of hearing that as I am? We get it. Koalas and kangaroos burned alive. Kobe and Gianna were killed in a helicopter crash. Murder hornets swept across America. George Floyd was murdered by police. Beirut was detrimentally bombed. Chadwick Boseman succumbed to cancer. My nearly 14-year-old dog had to be put down after three awful days. The west coast went up in flames, taking homes and lives. RBG died at probably the worst possible time and Amy Coney Barrett took her place. Trump didn’t die of COVID-19. And on top of all of that, America has been essentially shut down since March thanks to the worst possible pandemic response team in the world. This. Shit. Sucked.
I have never been one to be excited about New Years. However, at the end of 2019, the year to come looked promising. One of my best childhood friends (who goes to school and lives pretty much full time in Eau Claire) was going to be in Madison with a group of her good friends from school and they invited me out to come bar-hopping with them. Given that my college experience has been so non-traditional, that’s something I had never done (also I had just turned 21 a month and a half prior… not that age stops a ton of UW Madison students). However, at this point, I hadn’t even been in school for over 6 months. So needless to say, after half a year of pretty much only working at the gym, nannying, and sulking, I was pretty excited to be able to FINALLY spend a night out with friends and just have fun.
2020 started for me in the Double U bar on University Ave. Not even an hour into the new year, my mom (our designated driver; what would we do without her?) picked up the group and took us to my friend’s boyfriend's house where I crashed on the couch without even peeling off my fake eyelashes first. No hangover, no regrets from the night before, surrounded by my friends— 2020 started well.
Me and Eric Burton of the Black Pumas in January 2020.
I was excited. Valentine’s day was going to be a Friday, this would be the first summer that I was 21, Halloween (and Freak Fest) would fall on Saturday the 31st, Christmas and New Years Day both fell on Fridays. I started the year by getting into UW Madison and starting my first semester there. Remember in-person classes? I started the year going to see live music: Black Pumas, Wilco, Bailen, Natty Nation, Mt. Joy, The Lumineers, and The Revivalists. Remember concerts? I started the year attending my cousins’ hockey games. Remember going to sporting events? I went out to eat a bunch of times. Ate at Buraka for the first time. Tried some gross beer at HopCat with my dad. Celebrated my brother’s 18th birthday at the restaurant we’ve gone to every year since he was like, seven or something. Then, one day, when the news of COVID-19 in America was becoming more and more common when I turned on the TV, I went to my geoscience class— the last class before spring break— my professor said that he’d miss us, and it was likely the last time we’d all be gathered there in the lecture hall. We hadn’t gotten a word from any higher-ups at school that we wouldn’t be coming back, and frankly, I thought he was being dramatic. But we never did go back. I still haven’t.
I was so. sad. I had just started at a college where I was happy, just starting to make friends, and finally beginning to feel like I was in the right place. And then that was taken away. But whatever. Literally everyone, everyone in America was in the same boat. Not able to see their friends or extended families. Getting furloughed or straight up fired. Feeling anxious about simply going to the grocery store. It was so much bigger than me feeling sad that I didn’t get to go and have a normal college experience.
I had started casually seeing a guy in late January and we started dating a little more exclusively in February. We stopped seeing each other at the end of March and by late April we had just self-destructed as a result of that. That sucked. I gave him the standard “we should just be friends” line, but of course, that didn’t happen. In May, I met Leo. It didn’t take long for us to get serious about each other. He was really the only good thing about this the year from May on. At the very least, I have him to be grateful for.
2021 has potential
The vaccine is being distributed. I grew and learned a lot as a result of the relationship I’m in. I had lots of time to rest and relax (which is not usually how I roll) and learned about myself and my needs. I was on and off with therapy over the course of 2020 and I feel like that was really good for me. So far in 2021, I have worked out three times (three more times than I did in 2020), had two therapy sessions, and had fast food zero times. I was just accepted to UW Madison’s School of Journalism and Mass Communication (today, yay) and am rearranging my school schedule for the coming semester to go more in the direction that I was hoping to go. At some point this year, I really want (and need?!) to move out of my parents’ house and hit my savings account money goal. Oh, and I want to write more, which I have also been good about thus far. Just not things that have any business being published. So far, I feel good about things.
I’m keeping my fingers crossed.