My Planner is Color Coded
I have ALWAYS been organized. In the past few years, it’s gotten obsessive. Every event, appointment, job, social gathering, or personal errand I run/attend/make happen is entered into my Google calendar as well as handwritten in .05mm Black Micron felt tip pen and then highlighted with the color that corresponds to the activity type. Pink is personal appointments, purple is social events, orange is work, yellow is school, green is exercise and yoga, blue is homework, and grey is other. I have every confirmed function in my planner within seconds of it being confirmed. I have events planned out a year in advance at times. I am rarely late and I always know where I’m supposed to be.
My world is about to be flipped up-side down.
Stepping outside the box immediately knocks having a time sensitive schedule off the list of things to be concerned about. The reality is that I just can’t plan for what is going to happen in the next few months ahead of time like I love to do. (I’m pretty pissed that I already have every single SCAD class for ten weeks starting on 10 September written and highlighted in my planner.) I’m going to have to start writing in pencil now, and although it’s going to take some getting used to, I think it will ultimately be good for me. I think I need to take opportunities that arise and make last minute decisions. I need to allow change to happen because change is a catalyst for growth.
“Be Brave.”
So, here we go. I know I’m probably going to get asked by all the inquisitive adults who were asking me what college I was going to a year ago what my new plan is. I hate to disappoint, but unfortunately I just don’t know. I’m going to talk to as many people as I can, take what opportunities I can get, continue to build a portfolio and resumé, and see where life takes me. And if I don’t like it, I’ll change directions again. I am in charge, and I'm gonna figure this out.
Here is my wake up call, my leap of faith, my 180 degree turn. If I don’t do it now, I might never. In the words of the most influential person of my life, Joe Frontier: “I learned the most about how to teach kids by teaching kids, not by learning how to teach kids.” In other words, I have to go and learn by doing, not by letting someone tell me how to do it. (AGAIN I’M NOT SAYING THAT’S ALL COLLEGE TEACHES YOU. There’s so much more but I’m making a sacrifice of general education classes and the social aspects of college for something I find a lot more interesting.) I’m just gonna go do… even if the introverted/judging aspects of INFJ are telling me not to… gotta follow the F on this one.
I’m not going to pretend to be all tough, okay? I can’t put up that façade. This is going to be hard enough on its own, I don’t need the weight of a titanium wall leaning up against me too. I’m fucking scared. But the reality is, I’d be scared either way. Sure, I find a small amount of comfort in the people who would tell me that college was the right thing, and who would continue to do so if I decided to continue on with it. But it’s like putting a band aid on a scratch. It covers up the problem, but it’s still there, suffocating, unable to heal because the air can’t touch it.
I have to rip off the band aid and realize that a life of dissatisfaction and being unfulfilled is MUCH scarier than stepping outside the box.
Here goes… everything.
To Joe Frontier: Thank you for seeing something in me that for the longest time I didn’t see in myself (and maybe still don’t see but I trust your judgement) Thank you for showing me that there are other options. Thank you for your patience and your honesty and your kindness.
To my mom and dad: Thank you for believing in me. I’ve always just wanted to make you proud.