twenty two things
that i learned in high school
For me, high school wasn't like it is for the any student in the stereotypical teen movie. My high school experience didn't look like that of the most popular girl in school, like that of the loner who ate lunch with only a book every day, or like that of the nerd who spent his free time reading ACT text books. I wasn't any of those kids. I don't think any of us were.
selfie w/ jmm after the bell rang on my last day of high school ever! this is where i told myself "i TOLD you that it would all be okay."
Realistically, high school is NOTHING like it appears in the movies. Not even like the school in The Edge of Seventeen (though an enjoyable movie, was unrealistic). However, there was one similarity between the past four years of my life and any movie, really: the storyline. The intro. Rising Action. Tension. Suspense. The part where you're really stressed out because you have no idea what's gonna happen just before the climax and then... there it is. Falling action. Maybe everything's gonna be alright. Everything is alright. I'm okay. I'm happy.
My story was split pretty evenly into two parts: the first two years, and the last two years. I'll start from the beginning- freshman year SUCKED. I had no idea who I was. I was trying so hard to fit in and I was focused on all the wrong things. Sophomore year was worse, despite the fact that I thought nothing could get worse than freshman year. I was focused on the right things, but was TOO focused on them. Grades and my sport were all that mattered and having only that to work on every day was so unhealthy for me. By February of 2014, I was ready to leave school. I had looked up every form of alternative schooling that I could find. I could not take another month of school as it was. The thought of having to spend two more years in that building made me sick.
I came around eventually, but only under the condition that I get first period and last period off every day for the whole year. And that, somehow, made everything work again. Junior year was when things really started looking up again. I finally started learning the other half of what students are supposed to learn, but not taught, in high school. I've curated a few of the best lessons into a list that I've shared below in hopes that it will be helpful and instructive to those who may be seeking knowledge beyond academics in their high school years.
These twenty two lessons helped me tremendously. More so than learning how to solve polynomial equations ever will. (sorry Mr. Collins, but if it makes you feel any better, learning how to find the standard deviation of given data would be the twenty third lesson on this list if 23 had as nice of a ring as 22.) Here they are.
madie, me, and michael from switzerland. we liked michael.
1. take a lot of photographs
It literally does not matter at all what you take pictures of. Just take them. As many as your phone storage will allow. And then back those up and take more. This is one of my biggest regrets. I took so many pictures over the past four years, and somehow, I still long to go back and look at more once I've shuffled through them all. It can evoke such strong emotions to go back and look at pictures, whether it's in 10 months or 10 years. Even just now, looking through my hard drive to find photos for this post, I found myself mindlessly smiling at my laptop screen as I shuffled through all the memories I'd made at such a volatile time in my life. It makes me remember that not everything about sophomore year was bad... for example, the day we took the photo to the left.
2. and, take a lot of videos
This one may be more specific to me, as I love creating and watching videos. I feel really lucky to have been a part of my school's video news team because that makes up a bit for the lack of videos i should've just taken for fun over the oh so very fleeting years. I made four vlogs in the last few months of my senior year, and they still make me smile to watch today. Not to mention, they were SO much fun to make! Obviously, full vlogs aren't realistic for everyone... but think of it in this way: how much fun is it to go back and look over your snapchat memories?! That feeling is the reason why we should all be taking more videos.
3. don't fake it... unless it's confidence
I spent so much time focused on the wrong things! Trying to be someone you're not just to fit in will never be worth it. You should want people to like you for you, instead of the person that you pretending to be to get that approval. High school is a huge time of growth, and so it's natural that you might start to recognize the person you want to be- go ahead and try to be that person! I didn't start thinking about the person that really WANTED to be until I started thinking about college and what I wanted to do. That was a huge shift for me. Going from trying to be more like this huge friend group of girls that I had, forcing myself to go to football games dressed in beach fiesta apparel or get together in huge, unproductive study groups before finals, to staying home and studying alone because thats what I wanted to do- that was a huge shift and even bigger catalyst for person growth. Personal development is an awesome thing and if you think you can start doing something differently (being 10% more positive or smiling at people more often, for example), go ahead and do that. That's you trying to be a better person. On the other hand, if you're changing your behaviors, opinions, style, etc. just to fit in, just know that you don't have to do that. Ever. And you shouldn't! Everyone should get to be their best selves unapologetically. Just don't fake it. (Unless it's confidence. Act confident and confidence will come. It takes practice. I'm still working on that one.)
4. push yourself in the direction you want to go
What a cliché, but it's never too early to start exploring what interests you. I was like six when I first got my hands on a camera (it was a disposable one from walgreens that i got in my christmas stocking) and around that same age when my dad first let me do the recording on our little tape recording JVC camcorder. From that point on, the idea of being a photographer or videographer stayed in the back of my mind. It was the only thing that stuck through all my dreams of crazy jobs (fashion designer, therapist, private investigator, theme park ride operator, firefighter to "help blow out fires", wedding planner, or "a planet"- three year old Perri's dream job.) By sixth grade I had already created an Etsy page and business email to sell my photo cards with original prints and participated in the Middleton Good Neighbor Fest art fair. From that point, my dream job changed about ten more times, but I ended up right back in the same place. It's not too early to start getting into what you want to do. Join HOSA. Math team. School newspaper. Creative writing club. Whatever you want. Why not?
me before a home volleyball game. i would frequently dismiss myself to the locker room minutes before the game to calm myself down and prevent on-court panic attacks.
5. explore your options and opportunities
All of that being said in the past lesson, this one should be evident! High school offers so many opportunities, and for free!!! By simply attending a public school, you can learn a foreign language, learn an instrument, learn how to act in a musical, learn how to sculpt clay, or learn how to plan financially. It is amazing how much you have access to if you just ask. Teachers and social workers and counselors and principals and secretaries are so willing and happy to help students meet their goals. That's another one of the things I wish I would've been better at in high school. Taking advantage of all the opportunities that I now have to pay for.
6. plan everything
my planner on the week of december 10th and january 28th
This is where people stop reading. Why do some people hate planning so much?! I was there too at one point, but once I figured out how beneficial it can be, it changed my life. Plan your assignments, tasks, events... stay organized! Organization is KEY to productivity. The sooner you figure this out, the easier your life will be. I stay organized now using a passion planner. (Thanks TPF for introducing me!) It holds my life together.
7. but, live in the now
Coincidentally, another thing that holds my life together is mindfulness. I started practicing mindfulness a few months into junior year, and that just so happened to be the time that I started feeling a lot better in every way. Less stressed, happier, calmer, more focused. Training your brain to stop dwelling in the past and stop stressing about the future is so good for your mental health. It makes you a more grounded, attentive person. You pay such greater attention to everything going on around you and you have an incredibly clearer mind by living in the now. Not to mention, being a dweller or anxious wreck can really ruin any fun event you have going on.
top: what i considered my friend group freshman year. bottom: what i considered my friend group senior year.
8. your friend group will narrow; let it
This by no means should be interpreted as "burn bridges" or "cut people out of your life" (unless they're toxic. then it's okay. sometimes you need to come first). This simply means that you can't be everyone's best friend all the time. That would be a lot of pressure. People will get closer with those who they gravitate towards, and that's fine! Let it happen. I have three best friends now and they are better friends to me than I could ever even hope to ask for. And, I have a much better time hanging out with them than I do with big parties of people. (That's partly an introvert thing but) You'll probably find those few people too if you allow yourself to grow apart and together with people naturally.
9. write things down
This goes hand in hand with taking pictures. It's another great way to remember your best (or worst) days. And if they do happen to be your worst days, then it's the best free therapy I've found. Writing can take a while to get used to, but once you just START and stop worrying so much about where to start, writing can be so beneficial. But don't just keep a journal; write lots of stuff! Write letters to family who don't live in your state. Write notes to your friends. Write down quotes you like and make lists of things that you want to try. Write down your goals for today, tomorrow, this year, and this life. Since sixth grade, I've filled four journals, cover to cover. They know all my secrets. All my regrets. All my crushes and all the people I am not so fond of. They know my best feelings, and my worst. Seriously. Journaling changed my life. (and my twitter followers' lives... remember those days that I used to use Twitter as a diary? Don't be that person)
10. don't sweat the small stuff- really
Very close to nothing that worries you in high school will still worry you five years or two years or six weeks later. Got a C on your french test? Oh well, study harder next time. Ran into the wall while trying to back your car out of the garage? Shit happens. Tripped and fell while literally walking across the stage to get your high school diploma? Hey, at least it'll make a good story! Laugh off what you can, and brush off the stuff that you don't feel like laughing about. High school drama means less than nothing. Of the minute amount of drama I was involved in, I remember none of what it was actually about. It just didn't matter. I was pretty good at staying out of it in high school, which saved me so much time and stress. However, I didn't do a great job not worrying about the little things like when I literally caught the volleyball during a game instead of passing it, or the time that I got into one of those awkward ~I'll go this way-you go this way-I go that way-you go that way~ hallway moments, or the time that I bit it on the sheet of ice covering the sidewalk as I was walking out to the bus with a million other students. And now, thinking back, I'm laughing.
11. be honest
Honesty IS the best policy! This one is kind of a given; we've all been told to tell the truth since our childhood. And that is good advice! Once people realize that you are a trustworthy, honest person, they'll respect you and your opinion so much more. People value honesty. It is a great trait to have, and a great habit to get into. And that way, if you somehow are sucked into some drama (or if your sophomore year math teacher wrongly accuses you of cheating on a test the day before your birthday and ruins your birthday weekend because of how stressed you are because you literally did not cheat on that test I don't know what else I can even do to prove it I promi- oh, you believe me? thank you!!!*) you'll have an easy out.
some (!!! there are more) of the most influential teachers i ever had
12. be friends with your teachers
I can't stress this one enough. These are some of the smartest, most genuine, kindest, caring people you'll ever encounter. These are people who will teach you not only the content of the class, but they'll also teach you most of these lessons without even trying to. I feel so lucky to have ended up in the classes of the teachers that I did in high school (and even just to have known some that I never took a class from, I'm talking about you Mr. O). My high school teachers are the reason I am where I am today. They are the reason I am who I am today. They have been one of, if not the biggest influence of my life (next to my parents of course) and there is seriously just no way that I'll ever be able to properly put into words my gratitude for them. These are not people to forget about after high school. These are people who you'll want to get lunch with even ten years after graduation to catch up with. We have so much to learn from our teachers! So much more than what's in the textbooks! (Not to mention, if you get on your teacher's good side... your 87% final grade may just turn into an A on the report card...)
my photo on the 2016-2017 yearbook staff page. i was the editor of photography and videography. between that and co-lead producer of spartan video news, i don't think that camera strap left my neck for 90% of the year.
13. do what you love
Please note that this is not me telling you to skip your homework. Homework is important... but doing what you love is what will keep you sane enough to sit down and figure out the fifty cosine problems due tomorrow by first hour. Balance is key to happiness. If you can figure out how to balance your schoolwork, your job (if you have one, which I would recommend), your social time, and your alone/recharge time, you have just done something that I'm not sure anyone on earth has ever succeeded 100% in. Congratulations. If you don't quite figure it out, just do what I do and keep trying. I was a junior when I was finally told that it was okay if I needed to say no to picking up a shift at work because I need some downtime, or say no to taking over someone else's responsibilities in a group project so that I can have dinner with my visiting relatives. Make sure you're getting that time you need to kick the soccer ball around, or to bang on the drums for a few hours, or to finish the painting you started last summer and never got around to once school started up again. Even if it's just a few episodes of the office, that is still valid. I can tell you from experience, that show has helped me not go crazy for the past two quarters in college. It's all about balance. (Hack: love your job and then you won't even need to worry so much about balance because you'll always be doing what you love)
14. get excited
Freshman and sophomore year, as I'm sure you understand by now, were not the best years of my life. It wasn't uncommon that my 6:00 am alarm clock would wake me up and remind me of how much I hated the 10 hour routine that was to come. It would set an awful mood for the day and I'd start all of my mornings dragging my feet and letting the ball of dread feel heavy in my stomach. Sometime near the beginning of junior year, (in the midst of that time in the first few weeks when it's still exciting to go to school because there's not much homework and you're seeing all your friends again), I made the decision that I wasn't going to let that excited-for-school feeling fade. I began picking something each day that I looked forward to doing, seeing, listening to, eating, going to, etc. and from there on out, my whole perspective changed. Getting excited about something didn't allow me to start my day dreading what school was going to bring. I knew what it was going to bring, and I was excited about it! (I also got into the habit of frequently changing my alarm tone so not to forever ruin any of the alarm sounds or songs I used.) This isn't something i solely apply when I'm going to school; I also use this with work, social events (introverted af), or even on days that I have no events going on and I can do whatever I want. (In which cases I probably wouldn't be waking up grumpy in the first place)
15. save money
PACK A LUNCH!!! This was one of the biggest expenses for me in high school. At the time, I did not recognize how much more I could've been saving because I had a steady job and even if I went out to lunch a few times a week, at the end of the month, my bank account balance would still be greater than it was on my last statement. Then, I got to college, and my spending habits kicked. my. ass. I figured out firsthand that when you don't have a job, you can't spend money. (duh?!?!) But this was a hard lesson for me! I'm grateful that I did start saving money in high school though, even if I could've done a lot better job. I have friends here who didn't save any money in high school and they're paying for it as well. This lesson, though I was introduced to it in high school, is one that i'm still learning.
2016-2017 lead spartan news producers. also some of my best frens
16. recognize your gratitude
I started tracking the things that I am grateful for sometime junior year and that was something that changed my outlook as well. Putting what you are grateful for into writing can really help put things into perspective when you're feeling down. For me, it wasn't always big stuff like "my family is supportive" or "I have my own car". Most days, it was little things, like "ibuprofen", "cold brew coffee", or "the piano at my grandma and grandpa's house that has the one key that doesn't work but I love it anyway because it's kept me entertained for many hours over the past winter break trips to grandma and grandpa's". Taking note of these little things that I'm grateful and just taking 30 seconds a day to reflect on them makes me about 5% happier in general. I'd say that's totally worth it for a mere thirty seconds.
me and my (junior year) therapist. her name was kat, she was great
17. ask for help
I have no idea why it took me so long to learn this lesson. We've been told since what, kindergarten, to ask for help when we need it? I was always nervous to ask my teachers for help and afraid I'd look stupid in front of my peers if I didn't understand something the first time... so I stayed quiet. Sophomore year was the year that I really started to struggle in math, and I had a deal with my dad that all A's all year (and the previous two years) would grant me a car when I got my license, so you know I had to do SOMETHING to guarantee that A grade in geometry. (It wasn't even honors geometry either) so i swallowed my pride and started raising my hand in class. It was so, SO awkward at first, because that class was one of those quiet, uncomfortable classes where no one really talks to each other except the one group of girls who were always kinda rude to the teacher. So when I started raising my hand halfway through the semester after 9 weeks of no questions, you know I got some weird looks. I got used to it super quickly and from there on out became that girl- the one who is always going to talk to her teacher after class, going in to extra help sessions, raising her hand six million times per period or simply blurting out, "wait- can you explain that again?" and that A grade in geometry was worth all the eye rolls my incessant questioning prompted. Junior year, I asked for a different kind of help (that had been needed for probably way longer than math help). I started seeing a therapist whom I credit with helping me identify, absorb, and apply most of these lessons I was unaware that I learned in high school to my life. Before I started therapy, I was one of those people who thought only suicidal people or crazy people went to therapy, and holy cats was my perception skewed. Therapy is AMAZING. For everyone! You learn so much about yourself and about how to think and act and control your own thoughts. This isn't stuff they teach you in school! This is stuff everyone is expected to know... some people just have the courage to suck it up and ask for some help to learn it. I'm so glad I was one of those people.
18. be considerate and empathetic
Empathy, in my opinion, is the most important quality a human can have. And so many people lack it. And so many high schoolers lack consideration for others! Here are some easy things other people could've done for me/to me in high school to be considerate but didn't: let me into the line of cars at the end of the day when the flood of students are trying to get home as quickly as possible, picked up my pencil that i literally dropped directly under their desk, not asked me what my grade was when our geometry tests were returned and my face expressed clear frustration, not tried to make me upset by talking about how much they love meat and how they'd kill an animal themselves to eat it (like are you serious), or smiling back at me in the hall instead of quickly turning their head and pretending they didn't see me. I know you saw me. I was just being friendly!!! Of course, empathy can go a lot deeper than that as well: I learned that checking in with people just to see how they're doing and listening, not just sitting and scrolling through Instagram while someone talks at me about their problems, but REALLY listening and engaging and looking someone in the eyes who is having a hard time can be such a good thing. We all have the power to help people by simply doing that. It's really a matter of treating others how you want to be treated. Oldest rule in the book. Harder than it seems for most people, I guess. I'm glad this is something I learned to be better at in high school.
a pic of mom and dad i took when we were dorm shopping at ikea. we were having so much fun! (i'm kidding. we were all so grumpy but look at these troopers. dealt with me for 19 years and counting!)
19. appreciate your parents (and friends and teachers)
me sitting on said car for the "best car" senior superlative picture. i'd like to thank my mom, my fans, and my dad for buying the car
And to think there was a time that I didn't even consider all that my parents did for me. My mom and dad have done so, SO much for me. For some reason, I failed to recognize this until sophomore year when my dad bought (what he called) my car. (I think the fact that he bought me a car at 16 was just a cover up for him to do that midlife crisis thing where dads buy sports cars. Convenient timing, don't you think? Still- I'm not complaining.) My dad has always been so beyond supportive of the fact that I wanted to do art. He started telling me in late high school that he was proud of me (or maybe that's just when i started remembering it) and that is something that is really comforting to hear, especially knowing that so many parents are not willing to accept that their kids want to go to art school... much less pay for it. My dad has worked so hard since I was born in order to support us financially and allow me to go to such a great school. It means even more to me now that I know how much it sucks to actually have to go to work when you just aren't feeling it... My mom, on the other hand, had to deal more with my attitude. I think back to how I used to be and just feel so bad that she had to deal with such a little brat sometimes. If I were my mom, I'd hate me. (ok maybe not but really I don't know HOW she dealt with middle school Perri) but, like my dad, and the rest of my family, and my teachers, and friends, and piano teacher, and coaches, she supported me in whatever I did and has always been the first person I go to with my worries or frustrations or when i'm in such a good mood and i just need to tell someone why. I have such awesome parents and have had such awesome teachers and friends. Sometimes I don't think I made it known enough how much I did and DO appreciate them. (Now I know to just tell them sometimes.)
i was obsessed with flatlays my junior year. i was also obsessed with quotes by old authors and metallic pens and candles and the idea that if i didn't get into a really good school my life would be ruined.
20. keep your grades up, but don't stress
Grades seemed like the most important thing in the world to me for the first two years of high school. And don't get me wrong, I'm glad I did so well my freshman and sophomore year; however, it was at a cost. My mental health those first two years was in the toilet. Junior year, I slacked off (as you read above- only taking 5/7 classes per day and only 3 academic classes per semester). BUT, I still managed to make A's and B's, and I was significantly less stressed. Once I figured out that there was so much more to life than grades, such as relationships with your teachers, application of the content, enjoying the learning, and absorbing the non academic lessons from whatever class I was in, school was a much happier place for me. Also when I realized that getting a single B didn't equate not getting into college and then having to work at Woodman's for my entire life and then not making enough money to support a family and then never marrying in fears of not being able to support a family and then dying alone probably in the Woodman's break room.
21. be kind to everyone
Kindness is free. Kindness can only have positive impacts. There is absolutely no reason not to be kind to people. Imagine if everyone treated everyone with kindness. What a world! Freshman year, I was a MAJOR subtweeter. (So immature, I know) And it did bite me in the butt a few times... One day I just kind of woke up and realized that all the negative energy that I was using to tweet about people I was annoyed with was the biggest waste of my time ever. And not only that, but so mean! So unnecessary! I made myself a promise that I would stop doing things to people that made them want to subtweet me, and that I would stop being so mean myself. If you're kind to everyone, and you're genuine about it, I promise that you will be much more liked, and much happier yourself.
me asking a boy that i thought was cute if i could take a picture with him at a wedding i went to in st. louis. thanks mom for capturing that moment and thanks mildly-under-the-influence perri for having courage to ask for what you want even if the courage was fake.
22. ask for what you want
For my whole life, I'd been hearing "if you don't ask, the answer will always be no!" This didn't really strike me until sometime in high school. It is incredible what simply asking for what you want can do. I used to be so scared of asking for things from people because I didn't want to come off as rude, or annoying, or lazy, or a burden. But once I realized that people usually like to help, everything got so much easier. Prom asking the student who had sat next to me for six weeks, "hey, can you pass me that eraser?", to asking teachers, "can I come in tomorrow before school for some help on the homework?", to asking complete strangers, "excuse me, can i take a portrait of you for a project I'm working on?" if I told freshman Perri that she'd be doing that kind of stuff by the end of high school I think she'd go into a full blown panic attack in a matter of seconds. But getting over that fear of rejection was one of the most productive things I ever did.
austin, texas. december 2016.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, are the twenty two most important and valued lessons I learned in high school. A last thought: if you helped me in any way at all learn these lessons (so if you were in my life at all during high school), thank you. I love you.
perri jaye moran
*for the record, I did not cheat on that math test